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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319490">Ghosts Can’t Taste as Good as You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_gorgeous/pseuds/simply_gorgeous'>simply_gorgeous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren - Fandom, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, I can't get over tros, Random Musings, Reylo - Freeform, ben deserved sooo much better, i still don't know how to tag, its a condition, okay maybe a little ashamed, too many italics, unashamed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 04:01:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,437</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23319490</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/simply_gorgeous/pseuds/simply_gorgeous</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey is struggling with feeling alive in a life in some aspects worse than the one she had left behind. Rather than waiting for a family to come back to her, she is mourning the one that was given only to be taken away in front of her eyes. Nights often find her grieving alone, remembering a promise made too long ago.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>You're not alone.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Ghosts Can’t Taste as Good as You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So this is really rough. I began it a while ago and hastily finished because otherwise it will never see the light of day (this is a huge problem for me, can you tell?). Also, it had no beta. I may just take it down in a couple days. :)</p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She couldn’t stop staring at his lips. His thick, pillowy, beautiful lips that she had <i>finally</i> felt against her own. She wanted to feel them again. </p><p>If Rey hadn’t been staring at his mouth, she would have missed the way it morphed and stretched into a smile. A big, carefree, <i>happy</i> smile. The first real smile she’d seen from him. That would have been a shame. </p><p>If Rey hadn’t watched the man holding her smile, stunned and entirely enraptured by the sight of it, she may have entertained the question of how she was alive. How he had brought her back. How much life force he would have had to give. How much had already <i>been</i> leeched out of him. What that meant. A shame she didn’t. </p><p>If Rey had dared reality perhaps she wouldn’t have had to watch her dreams both real and fantasized crumble beneath her and vanish within mere seconds. </p><p>Shock</p><p>Terror</p><p>Denial</p><p>Numbness</p><p>She <i>hated</i> that he died. That he saved her. That as he dropped to the floor there wasn’t even a <i>trace</i> of regret. Or sadness. That he did what he did, and he probably thought death was all he deserved. That smile. Like kissing her had fulfilled a secret hope he couldn’t bear to voice, and he could die peacefully and content. </p><p>Kriff! She shouldn’t have kissed him. </p><p>Rey knew it was a vain idea, but she often found herself chasing fruitless thoughts like these in the dead of night. If only she could have kept him from being content, maybe he would’ve fought to stay. But no, the result of that endeavor would sever his happiness, not his end. </p><p>And these were the thoughts Rey entertained tonight, gazing listlessly at the stars from her bedroom’s balcony. </p><p>As it was now, the Resistance had risen from its own ashes led by a pilot and a stormtrooper—a concept laughable only a few years ago. They had become as much of legends as those who had gone before. Rey knew. She’d been with Finn since the beginning.</p><p>But he had forgotten her. </p><p>It wasn’t quite fair to say that, she mused, picking irritably at a thread on her nightgown. He had been anxious to reach her upon her arrival to Ajan Kloss after the Emperor had been defeated. However, Rey didn’t have much to say to him. Not even when he told her about being co-commander with Poe. She was indifferent. She felt as if no one could really <i>reach</i> her. And so, eventually, Finn stopped reaching out. He became swamped in duties and decisions and ceased seeking her. </p><p>Rey took to wandering the halls of whatever base they were building at any given time like she was haunting them. </p><p>Fitting since she was always thinking of a ghost. </p><p>Ben had appeared once, half-hidden behind a doorway looming, blue-misted, and tall. As soon as their eyes met he melted into nothingness, and she almost convinced herself she imagined the encounter. But an emotion had stretched through the air between them, one most assuredly not hers, something akin to the feeling of being caught red-handed. </p><p>It gave her hope. </p><p>She had talked about it with Finn, Rose, and Poe during a cave-in as she force-pulled rocks and debris away from the entrance. Well, not about seeing Ben, but about how Leia had quoted her brother saying that “no one’s ever really gone” and what that could mean for her. For all of them. </p><p>Rose had smiled, happy for her. Poe had nodded thoughtfully, politely pretending he cared, that it affected him one way or the other. Finn had frowned, insisting she should fully grasp her new life as he did. Start fresh. New. </p><p>Sounded a lot like something Kylo Ren had once said, and it had much the same affect. </p><p>Sadness</p><p>Anger</p><p>She was saddened by his unwillingness to validate her viewpoint, and hurt at his anger toward her. She had long suspected her aimlessness and despondent behavior in general didn’t sit well with him, but in that conversation he didn’t disguise it, and what was intended to draw her in ultimately pushed her away. </p><p>So here she was in the middle of the night, staring at the stars, consumed by thoughts of the dead and half-wishing she were among their number. She survived. </p><p>And for what?</p><p>The air shifted, and Rey was reaching out with the force and latching onto the presence behind her before she could identify it. </p><p>“Rey.” </p><p>His voice was a gentle disapproval she had never heard from him in life. </p><p>There was an endless list of things she had been cheated of with Ben’s passing, and she needed to find some way of erasing it from her mind. </p><p>“Don’t go, I’ve waited so long for you come back.”</p><p>She didn’t turn around in fear he would vanish again, as if she could make him stay against his will. </p><p>“I’m not coming back, Rey. You should be moving on. Loving. Learning. <i>Living</i>.”</p><p>Rey did look at him then—with a withering expression that melted at the sight of him. </p><p>He looked just like he did when she last saw him only without the wounds. </p><p>“Moving on from what? We’re a dyad, Ben—two halves of a whole. I can’t very well forget <i>myself</i>. We weren’t meant to exist separately. Or unfulfilled.”</p><p>She narrowed her eyes at him. </p><p>“I’m not unfulfilled,” he chuckled, soft amusement rippling through the force. Everything she felt from him was muted, hazy, so different from the vivid and raw power he had exuded when he was... “When I turned away from the dark and fought beside you against it, those were the most peaceful moments I’ve experienced since I was Luke’s padawan. Bringing you back, giving you my life, fulfilled me more than anything I—“</p><p>“Seriously? The most peaceful moments you’ve had were battle-ridden and colored in fear and despair? I could feel you, Ben. I wouldn’t call it peace.”</p><p>She was nearly yelling at him the way she did to his uncle that night in the rain, frustrated he would try to lie to her. </p><p>“You would if you knew what I am comparing it to.”</p><p>He was calm. He was so calm, and it was lighting her insides on fire and making her blood hum like his old lightsaber did. She wanted him to hurt the way she was hurting. She was not satisfied with their story’s end, and her rage was incited by the fact he was. </p><p>“You know what? You did get what you wanted.” He was tall and handsome and <i>almost real</i> in front of her, and she was struck be the too familiar hallow ache of being apart from a family. “You became as strong as Darth Vader. Stronger maybe. You learned how to stop people from dying. But you died.” She glared up at him, face streaked with hot tears. “You made me with I had.”</p><p>That broke him. His face crumpled, shoulders sagging, head bowing, and his visage flickered causing Rey to reach out with the force in alarm. He wasn’t allowed to leave her. She couldn’t take it. </p><p>Rey grasped the collar of his black shirt in desperation, eyebrows shooting up in surprise upon finding purchase in what felt like physical fabric. She leaned close to see if she could feel his breath skim across her lips. </p><p>It was warm. </p><p>Nothing more was said. Nothing more needed to be said. </p><p>Their lips met in panic, the force surging around them, hands pulling, breaths catching, hearts racing. </p><p>His fingers wrapped around her waist and pulled her in to him while hers found purchase in his hair. </p><p>Rey’s heart throbbed with a sickening combination of love and disappointment. But he was solid, unwavering above her. She could feel him, smell him, taste him. This wasn’t like a normal apparition of the force. </p><p>Sands, she could <i>taste</i> him. </p><p>Maybe...</p><p>Their kisses grew softer, the buzzing in their ears abating to a weaker thrum, and though the force still pulsed, it was comforting rather than rash. </p><p>Rey found herself breathing against a wide chest, small tears of joy finding their way into soft knit that rose warm and strong beneath her cheek. Strong arms were wrapped around her, and the embrace felt like <i>home</i> in a way nothing else had. She lifted her head to meet his eyes when the force between them waned. </p><p><i>No</i> </p><p>Even as he disappeared before her, arms disintegrating, coolness eating the space where the warmth of his chest had been, she saw a beauty unmatched by full moons and setting suns. </p><p>Ben Solo smiled.</p>
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